"My life is a series of embarrassing incidents strung together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents" -Russell Brand
I've been in a committed relationship with the United States for the last 21 years. Although we went through an 8 year rough patch, me and America have worked our hardest to work hard for each other. Even though our relationship has been mostly long distance this past year, I really feel like we've made some progress. I pay taxes and vote, and it is sort of offering possibly free medical care- and this time it isn't just sweet sweet love. That's why I'm a bit ashamed to admit that recently I've been feeling butterflies for another place, namely Oaxaca.
I had so much fun this past week and really felt like me and Oax might have something special together. I didn't want to rush into things too quick but I thought it might be good if me and Oax had a mutual interest like...baseball. So it was with great excitement that i attended my first Mexican baseball game between triple-A teams the Guerreros (Oaxaca) and the Yucatan. So far our group has traveled in packs and Saturday's game was no exception. This may come as a surprise, but traveling in a large group of light skinned Americans is not really the best way to retain anonymity. Thus it didn't come as too much of a surprise when the Guerrero's scantily clad cheerleaders asked if 8 of us gringos would participate in some sort of 7th inning stretch.
I should begin by saying that I knew humiliation was imminent from the moment the cheerleaders asked for us to volunteer. However the depths of said humiliation were extremely unclear at the time of consent. I should say here that while I firmly believe any relationship should involve mutual respect, I also believe it should involve some role play to keep things spicy. Read: public embarrassment is part of being a foreigner. As long as you don't disrespect another culture and don't cross your own boundaries of self-respect, the least you can do is offer a laugh for the people who's country you're inhabiting. So it was with this mentality that obliged when a woman in fish nets gave me a bat, walked me out onto the field and told me to bend over and spin around the bat several times and then run 10 yards.
What can I say? I was majorly crushing on Oaxaca...I had a huge case of puppy love. In short, I was falling for Oaxaca and I wanted to prove my love with a grand gesture of humility and maybe, just maybe, with a little bit of luck, some grace and bravo.
I went onto the field well aware of my lack of coordination and less than glorious athletic past. If ever there was time for a miracle it was now. If a cupid of international relations exists, believe you me I was praying to it. Sadly, what happened next only confirmed my lack of dignity and poise in the face of love.
At first I thought...this isn't so bad. 5 spins later things began to change. At one point while spinning around I actually lifted the bat from the field in an effort to regain a bit of my balance (I hoped this action was discreet but apparently was not). When they finally told us to run my response was less than stellar. I admit I was kind of hoping to get to first base with Oaxaca in the stadium that night. In a characteristic show of over-excitement and nerves, I ran about one foot and promptly fell onto my back, legs splayed high in the air. The irony is not lost on me that they had us run towards home plate, not first base. I was eventually able to get back up and run to the designated location where a Guerreros hat awaited me. Despite this small token of appreciation, I pretty much ruined any chance of playing hard to get with Oaxaca then and there, on the 1st base line of Guerreros stadium between the 7th and 8th inning. My man Will Shakespeare once said "The course of true love never did run smooth" and how right he was. Regardless, I still can't shake this feeling of love for Oaxaca and will continue to do my best to make it love me back, one laugh at a time. Just don't tell America.